Breaking up with someone you love is one of the hardest things you will ever have to do in life. If you didn’t want the breakup, if it was on their terms, or if you didn’t see it coming, it’s even more devastating. Breakups can be even worse than somebody that you love dying because you don’t have closure. They’re still around, and you may see them online living their best life.
You never know how you’ll deal with it until you actually go through it and face it. You may not need this advice now, or perhaps you do — and if you do, I’m sorry for what you’re having to go through. I am sorry that it’s painful. It sucks for everyone, but I promise you something. If you stay strong and don’t go down the self-destructive rabbit hole, you’re going to eventually meet the person that deserves you.
Don’t go down the rabbit hole of breakup self-destruction
I started thinking about this breakup topic because of an email that I received from one of our friends who wanted advice. From my experience, I can tell you how to NOT handle it. Don’t stay at home and isolate yourself. Don’t watch sad movies and listen to sad songs all day, drinking to blacking out. Those actions don’t help. Actually, they made me feel 10xs worse. And sleeping with a bunch of women just to try to get back at somebody who didn’t want you doesn’t make you feel any better either. It made me feel 10xs worse.
My first piece of advice is realizing there is no easy way to get through it. It’s going to suck and be painful. But the worst thing you can do is feel sorry for yourself. Don’t use alcohol to feel better because it will make you feel worse the next day.
The next thing is to never isolate yourself. Stay busy and get your ass out of the house. Occupying your time and mind is critical. Connect and communicate with your friends (not her friends) who love you and will uplift you. Also, explore therapy. If you’re not ready to talk to your friends or family, use therapy. I used therapy when I realized unresolved issues were forcing me to do some self-destructive things. We carry baggage into a relationship, and if you are expecting to go into a new relationship at some point, you need to deal with the issues that prevent you from being happy. Get licensed therapy from video or phone with Better Help. They have financial aid too.
Probably one of the most challenging steps to take when you’re going through a breakup is to give them space. Don’t call or text them. Don’t drive by their house. Don’t stalk them on social media. Give them space and just worry about yourself. Use the time to reinvent yourself by making yourself a priority and taking better care of yourself by working out.
Don’t make the mistake of putting on your rose-colored relationship glasses and romanticizing your relationship. You need to feel the way that you’re feeling, you need to be sad, and you need time to heal. But do not get back together with this person thinking that things will be different because it may feel better for a second due to both of you being on your best behavior. However, you’ll settle back in, and the same reasons you broke up the first time will reemerge, and you’ll break up again. You’ve now just extended the time it’s going to suck getting over the breakup.
The most important thing you need to do during a breakup is not to contact the person. The only thing that will ease the pain is time. It takes time to get over a relationship, and the more you contact them, the longer it will take. Embrace the suck.
You cannot jump from one relationship to another (aka rebound). A rebound is when you start dating way too fast after a breakup, thinking that the new relationship is the solution. Sure, it eases the pain temporarily, but long term, it makes issues worse as you haven’t fully healed. Just keep in mind that people come in and out of our life for different reasons.