Fifteen years ago, I got sober by accident. When I quit drinking, I didn’t think I had an alcohol problem. I had a nicotine problem, two cans a day.
I wanted to quit dipping, and I knew that if I wanted to stop, I had to stop alcohol. Alcohol was the trigger for me. So, in 2010, I decided I would quit dipping tobacco. And so I also quit alcohol, and something amazing happened.
I didn’t realize my problem
I realize now that maybe I had an alcohol problem along with my nicotine addiction. I didn’t realize it even though I had a DUI, even though I would get blackout drunk, and even though I used alcohol as a crutch to quiet the demons in my head. I wasn’t brave or strong enough to deal with issues from my childhood before.
For the first two years of my YouTube career, I was drunk by the end of every video I filmed. It was my routine on Friday to get a six-pack of beer, put up my camera, and film. I would be completely wasted and passed out by the time my wife would get home from work on Fridays. But I didn’t realize I had a problem until I stopped drinking 100%.
I am uncomfortable talking about how I was a mess, but somebody out there needs to hear this message. So, if it makes me feel uneasy, it’s probably essential for somebody to help choose their future and their sobriety over self-destructive actions.
School and post-college years
I was 16 years old the first time I got drunk. I went to a party and got wasted. The next day, people told me all the funny things I had done that I didn’t remember. I would drink on weekends and hang out with my buddies for the rest of my high school years. I was supposed to be with my girlfriend and friends the night of graduation. But I woke up in my car, not knowing where I was.
I kept drinking in college, which was anytime I wanted to because my parents weren’t around to keep me in check. I would get to the point of passing out or getting blackout drunk. I was not a person who could handle alcohol or could go out and have a few beers and hang out.
After college, I moved to Atlanta to start a business. I got married, and I kept getting drunk. I kept abusing myself, but I didn’t know that I had a problem. Everybody else my age was going out and having fun, getting wasted, and sharing stories. I can’t believe it was considered normal. That’s one of the downsides to alcohol. Drinking is so ingrained in our society and so commonplace. We excuse it.
Realizations after I quit
In 2010, I decided to quit nicotine because I didn’t want to get mouth cancer. I stopped drinking 100%, and that was a point of clarity. I realized I was doing self-destructive things after I stopped. I didn’t wake up regretting what I did the night before. I didn’t look at my phone and regret a text I sent. I looked at things differently. Things tasted differently. My relationships were better. I wasn’t waking up hungover. I didn’t hate myself.
When I was drinking, I thought I had pretty good self-esteem. But there’s a perpetual cycle when you’re abusing alcohol. You wake up, hate yourself, and swear you’ll never do it again. But you do it again, and you hate yourself again. You do this enough times, and you don’t love yourself.
As a result, my self-esteem, confidence, productivity, happiness, and relationships started to improve. I had a clearer mind, looked better, and was happier. When you’re in the midst of self-destructive behavior, it is tough to have happy and healthy relationships. You do so much damage to your self-esteem that it affects how you relate to and interact with others.
I also didn’t want to hang out with my friends who were drinking and doing self-destructive things. It’s not fun to be a sober person around a bunch of drunk people. They are annoying, so I stopped hanging around with them. They can also pressure you, so I didn’t like being pressured. They also stopped calling because they were uncomfortable when you were not doing what they were doing.
I saved my life — you can too
I look back at it now and realize I was saving my life. I chose the future and successful me. I’m still married, and many of my friends from back in the day have been through a few marriages. My marriage has grown and matured. It hasn’t always been easy, of course, but quitting drinking has helped. It was incredibly liberating.
I’m currently able to go out and drink responsibly. If I want a glass of wine with dinner, I have a glass of wine with dinner. I can also have a bourbon with my buddies. I’ve also learned that three is too much for me. So I’ll go out and have a beer or two on the weekends, but multiple times a week.
You can’t go back and change things, but you can change the future. You can choose the future. Don’t drink for a month if you want to test it out. Then go further, maybe 2 or 3 months. You’ll be able to make more money and be more focused, and you won’t waste money on drinking, DUIs, lawyers, etc. You’re not going to be eating all the crappy food and be hungover. You’ll feel incredible about yourself, and it’s worth it.
