I was at a party the other weekend, sitting at a table with a few different guys. One of the guys was a CEO of a big company. He was the most arrogant asshole that I’ve ever met. That got me thinking (while I was watching him be a dick and think that his shit doesn’t stink), how could I humble this SOB even though he’s more successful and has a higher status. What could I do to knock him down a few pegs?
Is being humble and optimistic the best way to combat arrogant people? The answer depends on the situation and the person. Some people are just assholes, looking for a way to mess with you and make you feel small compared to them. They try to find fault in your work, the clothes you wear, or whatever to inflate their status compared to yours. And often, people who try to be nice in return will continue to get messed with. How to deal with them is to show that you don’t give two flips what they think. They can’t have power over you if you don’t let them.
At other times, these arrogant people try to establish authority over others. In some instances, that’s not a bad thing, such as in the workplace. Your immediate report reminding you that they are your superior isn’t necessarily doing something inappropriate, and in fact, being able to accept their position and work with them can keep the work environment running smoothly. Sometimes, however, the arrogant person might not have good intentions but rather try to relay a passive-aggressive message you are not reaching a particular standard.
There’s always a strong temptation with these sorts of people to destroy them with a witty, intellectual retort (I’ve certainly encountered my fair share). However, this method seldom has the desired effect. These kinds of people crave attention and desire to be the smartest and ‘best’ in the room; they constantly talk themselves up and put others down to affirm this to themselves. For many, it may actually stem from a deep insecurity about their intelligence and value, which they mask with arrogance and superiority.
A lot of times, the biggest problem with arrogant people is the feedback loop. They often don’t realize how they are perceived because they are busy worrying about trying to prove to themselves and others that they are what they think they are. Typically, humble humans are collateral damage, so humbling the arrogant person can help the situation. Implement some of these strategies, and do not let their ability to talk about themselves detract you from the fact that you’re genuinely the amazing one. Allow your actions to speak louder than your words. Here’s how to effectively take away a pompous person’s superpower:
- Ask a simple question other than about their job. Ask them what they’re really great at or what makes them unique. Taking away somebody’s superpower, such as arrogance, leaves them a bit lost. They don’t know what to say because they’re so used to being beautiful, successful, rich, and awesome.
- Tell them you’re bored. This is something that I did to the dude the other night. When I interrupted him and excused myself for being bored, 30 minutes later, he found me to have a conversation. He felt like he had failed, so he started to engage with me. These people think they’re entitled and super interesting. But when you say you’re bored and going to find somebody interesting, it brings them down a notch because they realize they’re not as interesting and awesome as they think.
- Call them out. You must have big balls to do this because of the fear of offending or hurting somebody’s feelings. But the truth is that someone with a huge ego doesn’t prescribe the same social norms and keys as most people. They are so worried about trying to prove themselves to others that they don’t pick up on little social cues. But if you express that somebody was really arrogant or you can’t believe they actually said XYZ out loud, it’s a wake-up call because they don’t realize they’re coming across as arrogant or egotistical. They’re just trying so hard to come across as awesome, so throwing it in their face forces them to take a step back and recalibrate. Most arrogant people have never been told that they’re arrogant.
Whether man or woman, arrogance is when someone is overly elevates themselves and sees others as beneath them. Someone putting so much effort into presenting themselves as ‘better than others is a sign of deep-rooted insecurity and is very unattractive. But to some women, ‘confidence’ means “copying the behavior of the douchiest and most arrogant males.” And then they are shocked when guys aren’t interested in them. When dealing with an arrogant woman you may be interested in, run the other way as fast as possible. But before you run, you can knock them down and humble them.
- I feel sorry for your boyfriend or future husband. She’ll wonder why you’re saying that, and you can respond about her seeming like she’s crazy high maintenance. You can also express that you’re looking for somebody a bit more low-key and easy to get along with.
- You’re not that special. Her brain pauses when you tell her this because she’s been told she’s amazing, awesome, and beautiful her whole life. She’s actually bought into and believed the hype.
- What do you bring to the table? She will not come up with anything of substance because when you meet somebody who has a super-huge ego or feels entitled, they really haven’t done anything other than be beautiful. A lot of times, they have a difficult time figuring out why you should or shouldn’t.
- I’m really more into natural beauty. When you say that to somebody who puts a lot of time and energy into their eyebrows, lip injection, makeup, shopping, and more, it will blow their mind because it infers they are fake beautiful, which means they’re not actually beautiful.
- Do you even work out? It’ll make her think that you think she’s fat, which is a bang to her ego and an instant humility.
An arrogant person needs an audience because they feed on other people’s praises and will really feel bad about themself if you deprive them of that. Know that their arrogance is their problem, and it has nothing to do with you. Your job is not to show them the mirror, unless, of course it’s a loved one and you want to help them. Also, even though they seem to be ‘winning’ with their arrogance, they are slowly being consumed by it and, sooner or later, will eventually pay.
Again, your life purpose is not to make them pay. If you need to meet this person often, like suppose they are working with you, then face them in all situations with confidence, do your job, and get out of there. I suggest this more passive approach because responding to an arrogant person is not worth the effort as it often backfires and others end up getting hurt. If they are adults and have lived like this, a few words from you will not rewire them. So, save your valuable time and bandwidth.
