Most people fail with New Year’s Resolutions, trying to accomplish too many at once, having goals that are too big (lose 100lbs, find my soulmate, learn Spanish), or having goals that are too vague (what exactly does ‘getting fit’ mean? It means something different to everyone). Another huge mistake is they don’t set themselves up to succeed. Trying to diet, quit smoking, and run 5K alone is guaranteed to fail.
Find a support system and plan a resolution in detail. If I want to change how I eat, I identify all the foods I want to include in my diet (instead of what I need to eliminate), make lists of easy-to-make recipes, and meal prep for the week. But before I get further into this, I want to talk about the emails I got last week related to becoming a better person.
So, the weirdest thing happened. I got two emails back-to-back asking about when I quit using tobacco. For those of you who don’t know, I used to dip tobacco or snuff. You know, the stuff in the lip. It’s a dirty habit I picked up in West Virginia when I went to school at WVU. For some reason, I loved it and did it for about 16 to 17 years. I gave it up, which is one of the proudest things I have accomplished. I didn’t think I could ever do it. It was incredibly difficult and one of the hardest things I’ve done.
Anyway, I got an email from these two people, and they asked me about quitting tobacco. Interesting, both asked about when you’re quitting a bad habit and then slip up. One of them said that when he slips up trying to quit cigarettes, he’s heartbroken because he doesn’t want to mess up.
Well, slipping-up is the nature of the addiction. So what should you do? The answer is to keep trying. Every time you try and ‘fail,’ it’s not a failure. It’s more practice. And the more practice that you do, the better you’ll get. These failures are all part of the process and ultimately create a better chance for you to quit altogether.
This viewpoint about failure goes for any habit, good or bad. Whether you’re eating poorly, trying to adopt a new habit, or trying to reduce the amount of alcohol you drink, inevitably, we are human, and we have a tendency to fall off a wagon or slip up. Maybe you didn’t want to drink so much, wanted to spend more time with your family, or wanted to be a better boyfriend or husband. Times will happen when you have the best intentions, but you’ll mess up.
Don’t beat yourself up. Just get back on the horse and keep going because, eventually, you’ll get it. The desire to succeed will outweigh the pleasure you get from doing that behavior or consuming that product. Success is a motivating factor.
I knew the tobacco was terrible for me, and I knew that I could potentially get throat cancer. But if you’re in an active, addictive state, sometimes logic gets thrown out the window. People always told me that they couldn’t believe that I was using tobacco and that it was horrible for me. And I would think that I wanted them to shut up and leave me alone. Nobody can convince you to quit other than you.
When you’re ready, you’re ready. For me, it was like that. I wasn’t ready on January 1st. It wasn’t a New Year’s Resolution or anything like that. Resolutions typically don’t work for anyone. As I noted earlier, they don’t work because you try to do too many things simultaneously. You think that you’ll quit smoking, pick up exercise, eat better, and spend more time with your family — it’s all just too much.
Quitting all your bad habits and trying to adopt healthy ones in their place all at once sounds like trying to juggle flaming swords while riding a unicycle – ambitious and potentially hazardous! Start with one habit at a time before diving into them all at once. Remember, slow and steady wins the race.
So, on January 3rd, I was in the shower and had to dip in my mouth. I just thought that I was an idiot and needed to stop ASAP. I threw it out in the trash can and used a patch to break the nicotine part of the addiction. I just had to white-knuckle the rest and make it happen.
Sure, I still do think about it. But I realized that it’s gotten easier the longer time goes on. The longer you abstain from a habit or a behavior, the better it gets. For those of you in the throes of withdrawal, it’s like wanting to scratch off your face or punch your mama. I mean, it’s horrible. But eventually, you’ll get through it — and if you fall down, you must get yourself back up. No shame.
Life is tough, but you must stay the course and care for yourself. What comes with self-improvement is learning to love yourself. Go easy on yourself and your habits. Don’t beat yourself up and shame yourself because that will pull you down and hurt your self-confidence.
Focus on the positive. Motivate yourself. Be excited about the next steps, hobbies, and habits you’ll take on. Put in the effort, and it’ll start to build. But be patient, as there will be ups and downs along the way. Downs are expected and okay — you will learn and grow from them. Happy New Year! May you continue to prosper and become an even better man through this new year.