Say what you mean. And mean what you say!

The other day, I was standing there at QuikTrip, just pumping gas, minding my business, and I watched this whole situation unfold. This guy starts unloading on a girl for her gas-pumping speed—like, she controls the nozzle speed? Loud, aggressive, talking over the other person, throwing in little jabs.

And then, of course, he hits her with the classic, “Relax, I’m just kidding.” And I’m standing there thinking, “No, you’re not, man. You mean it. You’re just hiding behind a joke.” And honestly? It didn’t make him look strong. It made him look small, unstable, and completely out of control.

And that got me thinking—because we’re seeing this everywhere right now. People in positions of influence, people who are supposed to be “leaders,” acting the exact same way. Trolling, dodging questions, saying one thing and then walking it back, calling people names, and ignoring the rules that actually keep things functioning. And I need to be real with you—that’s not leadership. That’s insecurity wearing a mask. That’s bully behavior.

So the question becomes—what do we do about it? And the answer isn’t complicated, but it’s not easy either. It starts with us, like, literally in those small, everyday moments. The way you talk to people, the way you handle frustration, and the way you respond when things don’t go your way are key. Because leadership? It’s not what you say. It’s how you show up when it actually matters.

Think about it—if you’re saying things you don’t mean, or constantly backtracking, people don’t trust you. Period. If your word doesn’t mean anything, neither do you. That’s why I always say—say what you mean, and mean what you say. No fluff or spin. Just be straight.

And clarity—this is huge. Weak leaders are unclear; whereas, strong leaders are clear. They are not aggressive or  disrespectful—just clear. Because how can anybody meet your expectations if they don’t even know what they are?

Same thing when somebody asks you a question. Answer it. Don’t dance around it or deflect. Have a point of view. That doesn’t mean you’re always right—it means you’ve actually thought about what you believe.

That brings me to integrity, which is where everything either holds together or falls apart. Because being a leader means doing the right thing even when nobody’s watching. Not cutting corners, shifting blame, or taking the easy way out when it compromises who you are.

And guys, we’ve got to stop normalizing this trolling culture. These deliberate inflammatory, insincere, or digressive posts to provoke, upset, or bait people into emotional, time-wasting arguments are actually harassment aimed at getting a reaction, often disguised as a joke or a controversial opinion. Whether it’s online or in person—it’s weak. Taking shots at people and then saying “just joking”? Come on. There’s always truth behind it.

If the only way you can be funny is by putting somebody else down, that’s not humor—that’s insecurity. Real leaders? They build people up. They don’t tear people down to feel taller. Calling people names, mocking them, dividing people—that doesn’t make you powerful. It makes you look like you’ve got something to prove.

And a big part of leadership that people miss is empathy. You’ve got to be able to step outside your own perspective for a second. Not everything is about you, and not every decision should serve you. The best leaders are thinking about the bigger picture—the group, the team, and the people around them.

Empathy doesn’t mean you’re soft. It means you’re aware and understand that how you show up has ripple effects in your family, friendships, workplace, and even random interactions—like that gas station moment.

And here’s another point— some leaders demand unquestionable loyalty. Loyalty isn’t something you demand. It is earned through consistency, accountability, and showing people, over and over again, that you are who you say you are. You talk the talk AND walk the walk.

Speaking of talking the talk — leaders watch their language by being direct without being hostile. You can disagree without being disrespectful. The second you lose control and go aggressive, you’re not leading anymore—you’re reacting.

At the foundation of ALL THIS is truth. The truth is not your version or a convenient spin. The truth is the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable, because once people catch you slipping, everything else you say is questionable.

What it all comes down to is leadership shows up in the little things like returning the shopping cart, holding the door, saying thank you, and staying calm when it would be easier to snap. Those small moments? That’s who you really are.

So if you’re sitting there thinking, “Yeah, but what can I actually do?”—this is it. Be the example every day. Lead by example in every interaction, because leadership isn’t about power—it’s about standards (think last week’s newsletter article). And when you live by those standards, people don’t just follow you—they trust you.