Some men naturally have a commanding presence, while others struggle. Why? It’s all about internal beliefs in which others feel his signals (aka body language), including how he moves and speaks.
Those signals are based on what those men think and believe, and that’s why having a commanding presence is more about an inner game and shifting your internal beliefs than anything else.
You will carry yourself with a commanding presence if you believe you are a leader or attractive. This describes the law of state transference, which cannot be faked. You have to believe it and not just act like it. How do you end up believing it? Through positive experiences — things need to happen that prove to you, yourself, that you are that man.
In other words, the law of state transference means that our emotional state transfers to others. Encouragement leads to confidence, which leads to action, which leads to more encouragement. That’s powerful!
I’m sure you’ve been at a gathering where the mood changes when somebody shows up, or the energy drastically changes when a person leaves a group. This is a common occurrence related to the law of state transference and the magic behind having a commanding presence. Whatever your vibe is will translate into your body language.
But don’t try to adopt somebody else’s style. Copying is never as effective as being authentic and genuine. To have this work, be authentic and genuine with the energy you give off. We see this in male groups where one guy will give off a charm, and others observe the attention and imitate it. They end up following his lead without knowing that they’re doing it.
With body language, you interact and communicate how you feel by carrying yourself a certain way. Be comfortable with who you are and radiate being yourself. People can see and sense inauthenticity, whether consciously or unconsciously. Focus on being the most confident version of yourself.
Approve of yourself because you don’t need anybody’s approval. Just be yourself. Drop your ego, and don’t be ‘proactive.’ Just be a genuine human and communicate. But you can fake it until you make it: (1) Behave like a person who doesn’t take bullsh!t. (2) Work toward being a man who will not be on the receiving end of bullsh!t. (3) Behave like somebody who knows their sh!t.
The cool thing is that working on yourself—whether it’s your assertiveness, skills, appearance, or body language—is not ‘fake’. You are taking steps to become a person with a commanding presence.
As I’ve said, most of us are not born looking like models. Nothing we can do will make us look like models. However, we each have an extensive range of possibilities for presenting ourselves. We can choose our clothes, haircuts, grooming, and more.
Key points I’ve covered before are making eye contact, deliberately listening, and speaking clearly and thoughtfully. We can practice all of these. Also, ensure you give a firm but not a forceful handshake. Weak means you’re not paying attention, and too tight demonstrates you’re trying to dominate.
If you feel content, positive, and engaging, the other person will feel that way too. However, others will pick up on that if you’re feeling anxious, bored, or stiff. But remember, the positivity you’re putting out there needs to be genuine, as people sense ulterior motives. Be sensitive to others’ moods and emotions and engage in conversations by generating a positive mood.
Bottom line: If you want to have a commanding presence, embody the law of state transference. The key is allowing that initial discomfort when initiating a conversation to dissipate as you make the other person feel your positivity. When you practice this more and more, the discomfort period will dissipate quicker, and your infectious mood will rub off faster on them.
